HEY!

hey so i think i might pick this up again.. i know i know, like u haven't heard this before lol but i think i might i will when i am not busy that is, because i have a pretty interesting life and there is always something to write about :D

Long Time No See

hey everyone.... i am getting back into my blog writting and i am looking back on my earlier posts...... PLEASE no one judge me on my earlier stuff. i was going throught a really rough and bad time.. looking back on it i am even surprised my self, and i am also kinda ashamed... so please forgive.

i used this as a way to vent all my fustrations and i feel that at times i went too far... i am going to start writting again and hopefully u all will see a difference in me :D i love writting... it helps me let things out and makes me feel much better and relieved in the end. i promise to tone things down compared to last time and i hope u all havn't given up on me :)

Sorry

I heard that someone spread my "cutting" to the councelor, i just wanted to say that i am NOT mad i would like to thank the person who told, because i understand that u were worried like a good friend would be. I would LOVE it if you told me who u are so that i can thank u in person. It was a thought full thing for u to have done, my only wish is that maybe u asked me about it first, i can understand it u teird to talk to me about it and then i blew u off, because the councelor thought i was going to kill myself any time now and thinks i cut myself regularily. speaking of wich for the record: i NEVER actiallu cut myself or bled a single drop!!! just putting that out there so i am sry if it scared some of u :(. so if u could let me know who u are i just wanna give u a proper thanks :)

i am also sorry for expressing my feelings, i obviously did it at the wrong time, and i just wanted to say thatyour friendship is worth way!!!! more to lose it over an argument i just wanted to say i am sry and i love u very much

Not The Responce I Wanted :(

we needed to talk about this... it was best for us all... it isn't good to keep things bottled up. i am just sad with the outcome.... i needed to hear what u thought u dodn't open up... it made me terriably sad. i didn't want u to not talk about it... we weren't tring to make u not wanna talk to us... i am just so sad that that is what it came to... i am sry i just felt like i had to say it... i NEEDED to say it... i would be in a terriable state of mind right now if i didn't... i wasn't the on;y one who agreed... but that isn't thi point to gang up on u... we just needed to say it to make us feel like a weight was lifted. it was but i feel awful now.. and i didn't want that. i am just soo sry if it upsetted u.. we didn't mean to ... honestly welove u very much we just wanted to tell u what we thought and for u to make your own choice from that. not fot u to feel bad.. i am sooo soooo sry i love u very much your friendship means the world to me. i just needed to say it please don't hate me... i just want u to be happy. please know that and keep that in mind WE ALL LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH!!! <3


btw.. i am ok feeling better and for the record i didn't bleed just swell and it wasn't very sharp... i am sry if it scared some of u i just.... just felt soooooo low.... it is sooo hard to explain.... i can tell that many of u do live me though and i promise i will talk to one of you amazing people before i do it ever again. i just wanted to let u know that i love u all very much for caring about me when i thought no one did :( Hugs all aroung!! ;P i really needed your support thanks guys :) seriously i owe u big time :)

and those oh u who were worried and tried to communicate to peopele to help i appreciate it and those who got mad about it... i am sure she did it only cos she was worried no need to freak out :)

love u all thanks !!! hope u know that i am sry for saying what i did... i just want to to really be happy

Gossip

gossip is the worst thing in the world it breaks people apart and is the sadest way to get attention. if you are spreading shit u don't know stop it what is going on with other peple isn't your buisness, you are just creating more shit to deal with.

i hate some people like honestly if i could speak my mine freely i don't thik u would wanna hear what i had to say lol it would be terriabl;e and something along the lines of dieing and fire ......... fuck i just wish some people would leave the face of this earth

I did it btw... it didn't hurt untill i had been doing it for like 10 min.... it turned red are started to swell....i didn't feel any great comfort while doing it though is that wrong? should i have? what am i doing wrong? shit if anyone knows let me know... i need to do something to help me get over this shit.... i didn't want to do it.. to hurt myself... but i did i felt like i needed to things are just so bad... no one gets it or understands..... it is hard to explain and no one cares.... i need help

btw i just found out that my nana has breask cancer as well this weekend wow things have sure be a great big load of happy this weekend

the only good thing is that my team (4th pace) beat the 1st place team in hockey

i need help this shit is teatring my body limb from limb it hurts and i need it to stop so just STOP STOP ........STOP MAKE THIS GO AWAY... STOP....................... STOP.... STOP HURTING ME I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE... I AM SLOWLY DIEING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ........HELP .......HELP!!!!!!!!!!

fuck this shit and my life

so i want to die... this life God has made is nothing worth living for.... i have so many issues going on and way too much of it i blame on myself. i had a tbad day alaround today..worse than the norm...i chried twice today.....so far... and this is y:


1. My family hates me i am almost possitive... i feel like shit whenever i am around them... i try sooo hard to make everyone in my family happy...i just can't for some reason :( i don't think they realize how hard i try....to them i am never good enough...and never will be. i want to be considerd acceptable to them. but everytime i try i seem to fail. i always do something wrong according to them... always! fuck this sucks. i revert to listening to angry music and crying...i think i might cut...but then i chicken out and decide not to


2. WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS DOUCHE BAG I KNOW!!!!!!! u have been in my life before...i wanted u out then...now i am kicking u out!!! leave me the fuck alone i can't take your damage anylonger. i am not even close with u but ones i loove are i want u to dissapear or better yet die. u made me bal today... u are such a shit head. u don't give a shit about anyone u just claim u do... u make me feel bad and wish i could change things so that i never knew u .... others agree with me... but not all. i just can't take your lies they HURT! i can't take your BULSHIT HUGS! i can't take your FUCKING SMILES! they make me want to DIE! how u treat people makes me want to shove what u do back in your sorry ass ugly face!!! u ruined my afternoon i felt like shit....but i have several people's opinions including one person who is 30, i will try to stop u and your shit before it really breaks or hurts us! that is NOT a threat......it is a mst definate PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are a dirty horney bastard who needs to know when the fuck to stop it and leave me alone.....it isn't only me u are hurting.... but it is me who is going to bring your sry ass DOWN!

Don't hate.... it is my first blog and post so be nice...

This blog i will say the truth and nothing less, i won't say names to keep things cool with my friends but somethings people might not want to hear but i am going to say it anyways because i am the truth teller... and i tell the truth, and nothing less.....